Originally written April 13th:
Later this morning Spencer, or rather his remains (that sucks to say) are being delivered home.
Not exactly the way you ever want your child coming home.
Usually on weekends I let Kenzie stay in her PJs for a bit. But this morning I wanted her dressed. I don't know, I wanted her to 'look nice for him' or felt us all being dressed showed some respect or something.
The unfairness of today is too much. We are spending the day taking care of and playing with Kenzie, while Spencer will never get to play here or meet Kenzie or Kooza.
My time getting to take care of him is already over. I'm supposed to be telling them both to be gentle with him, taking him on a tour, showing him his room, getting him settled.
Instead, I'm going to sign a piece of paper and what? Open a box, put it away and go back to playing with Kenzie?!? What the hell life. This sucks.
Well....as written today 5/13
-Spencer was dropped off, and I did go back to taking care of Kenzie. But that night my husband and I took him into our room.
We put him on our dresser, next to his pacifier and nightlight.
We surrounded him with the stuffed giraffe that was to be a gift from Kenzie to him, and the stuffed unicorn that was to be a gift from him to Kenzie.
We wrapped him in his Spencer blanket with the giraffes my husband surprised me with after we had chosen his name.
And we cried. Hard.
This wasn't how this was supposed to be. This was not how he was supposed to come home.
But, now...Now we have him here and watching over us from his tree.
I sat yesterday watching a movie with Kenzie- and all it took was a quick glance outside and there he was. With us in a way he hadn't been until just a few days ago.
Mother's day was spent at home this year. With everyone there as much as they could have been, and it was ok. It was home.
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