Karma

Let's start with the fact that I was raised Jewish.

Hebrew school, Bat Mitzvah, High Holidays-the whole thing.

Now? Yeah, not so much. I still recognize the holidays, but I do not consider myself religious. I'm a food and family Jew. Happy to celebrate holidays, tell Kenzie about them, eat soup, but you wont find me in a temple reading Hebrew for Yom Kippur.

I don't really believe in heaven or all that.

Karma however, is a bit different. I try to believe in that karma idea-the do good unto others thing. Be a good person, good things will happen idea.

That idea has taken a massive hit in the past few years.

Don't get me wrong, in many ways I am very lucky. I have great family, friends, work, etc. But after Kenzie had open heart surgery, my husband and I figured we had been tested and had passed. We stuck together, made decisions together, took care of our daughter, and helped ensure she had the best care. All of that. We had made it through hell.

Well, apparently we made it through too easily. Kenzie bounced back too quickly, she was too good of a kid. I don't know. Whatever it was, the universe decided that what we had been through just didn't equal enough bad to balance the scales.

So, we got put through what I now refer to as real hell. Kenzies stuff, was apparently just a damn practice round.

But, seriously. My husband and I are not bad people. We donate to causes, we try to treat people well, I have worked in special needs, we have both been camp counselors, we were both bully-ed in school and never acted as the bully ourselves. So what had we possibly done for karma, the universe, whatever to feel like we needed this type of karmic return?!?

No one-I mean no one, deserves to go through a child passing away.

Well, that isn't true-but those people don't deserve to have children in the first place, because those children don't deserve to have a bad life, and those children deserve the chance to grow up. I mean, hitler had kids people, there are exceptions to every rule.

But for the most part- no one deserves to have their child die. Just, nope, sorry.

Nowadays I still believe in the do good idea. I just joke to my husband that karma better have something life-alteringly awesome in store for us. If not- well, let's be honest, I will still be the same person I am. I just might want to punch karma in the face.