How many kids do you have?
I’ve been asked this questions a few times in a few different ways over the past weeks.
‘Do you have any kids’
‘How Many’
‘Does Kenzie have any siblings’
‘Is kenzie your only one’…
My answer, at least for now, is ‘I had two’ or ‘She had a sibling’
Most people leave it at that. They get that questioning look at the word ‘had’ instead of ‘has’ or ‘have’ but they don’t press.
I am grateful for that, not always ready to start crying wherever this question is asked or with whomever asked it.
But answering the question always reminds me, I had a son, and his life is already over.
Kenzie had a brother, that she never met, and outside of what we tell her, will never know.
We had 2 kids.
For 6 weeks, we had a daughter and a son, just 18mos apart from each other. They were to grow up hating each other and as best friends.
I didn’t just lose a son, I lost my daughters brother, my parents and in-laws grandson, my sister and sister-in-laws nephew.
My loss is forever, and I will always answer these questions with him in mind. My answer will never be 1. Because my son existed, he mattered and I will not take the easy road that allows him to be left behind.
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