February 14th- for most, it is Valentines Day
For some it is CHD awareness day (congenital heart defect awareness day)
For few, it is both.
For us, it is Valentines Day, CHD awareness day- which we recognize for both myself and Kenzie, and it is the day before we had Spencer and our lives changed drastically, forever.
This year I am taking the day off of work. Not to have a date day, not to let Kenzie play hooky, but for me to have some time without Kenzie needing me, or emails needing to be answered, to just be. Whatever I need on this day is ok.
Sleeping in, getting the nursery more ready, finishing a project for Kenzies room, hanging Spencer's quilt...all are possible. All could happen, none could happen. I just needed the day.
I will wake up in the morning, dress Kenzie in her cute heart shirt (if she lets me) and deliver her and some theme cookies to daycare for her to have a fun love filled day with friends.
After that, who knows. I just know this day, and the day that follows will always be unknowns for me.
It's strange. It's not like I can hid out for 6 weeks. But I just feel so weird knowing from Feb 15th- March 29th will always be the 6 weeks I had my son. They will always be 6 weeks that remind me of Spencer and our short time with him. The time from hello to goodbye. So while I will go on with my life each year during those 6 weeks, those will also be 6 weeks each year that I think he will be most with me and that I will feel most unsteady when it comes to Spencer.
This year is additionally awkward feeling bc it will also bring a countdown towards baby brother.
Life is odd- but for now I'll just ride it out as best I can for a bit and take it easy on myself.
Feb 14th... Just be kind, be good, love is love and there is not enough of it in this world. So just show those you care about that you care, be there for those who need it, and remember you don't know what someone could be going through.
Comments