There is an old superstition in Judaism around gifts/decorating etc before a child is actually born.
Generally, we don't host showers, we don't send gifts, we don't even decorate the nursery until a child is born. Sometimes we even wait until a child is going home.
I threw all that out the window for Kenzie. I posted a colored smoke gender reveal/announcement. Her room was done, decorated, and ready to go before her arrival. I had an amazing shower thrown by family friends. I received amazing gifts. We celebrated her impending arrival. We went on a babymoon.
With Spencer, it was very different. After all, we moved into a new house just months before he was set to arrive. Kenzie was barely a year old when we found out, so we had a lot of things from her that would be re-purposed for him. We had his room picked, a dresser and crib ordered, but not much else.
Dan built his dresser and I washed all the clothes through 3 mos that had been Kenzies but were more gender neutral. We bought some new clothes, cloth diapers, swaddles, and a few other things.
But his room wasn't painted. His decals and decor not ready. There was no shower. No edited gender reveal photo posted. Hardly any monthly belly pictures or fruit comparison facebook posts.
From the beginning Spencer had serious second child status.
We did buy the house we live in and our new car with the set intention of them fitting our new, larger family. Room for us to grow into both, not out of either.
Both of which we still love, but feel too big for the family we are now.
Not having decorated makes 'his room' easier. It is currently full of what we had bought or had ready, but it doesn't look like a little boys room. I don't feel a sense of guilt about painting it or making different plans for it. I just feel the sadness of what it was supposed to be, and isn't.
On the other hand, I wish his impending arrival hadn't been such a back burner idea. Although a shower would have been silly, I wish we had done more for his room. I wish we had celebrated him more. Done more just for him.
20/20 right? That old wives tale can suck it, in my opinon.
Celebrating, getting ready, waiting, whatever. It won't impact the end result. Having decals on a wall, or not, has no bearing on if you will get to bring your child home.
I understand the thought behind it. If you decorate, and something goes wrong, it could be harder to face. Well, as I said, there are days I am grateful that room doesn't feel like a betrayal if I turn it into something else. But there are also days I wish I could go into that room and see how it was supposed to be. See the same level of care in that room as we put into Kenzies. Instead of a just started blank slate.
So...my message today? You do you.
In the end, should something happen, you won't be angry for celebrating and you won't be angry for not. You will simply be angry-and you will blame it on whatever, wherever, however.
You will blame it on the room being too ready, not ready enough. You will blame it on too little iron, too much, sleeping funny, sleeping well, being pre-occupied with work or life, assuming things were going as well as the tests all showed, not pushing for that one obscure test that would have shown things-but that you had no idea was even a thing.
There is enough anger, blame, whatever to go around. Just do you, because when the dust settles, that is all your family wants and needs to keep going. They need you. You need them. That's all anyone can ask.
Comentarios