Lost

Lost-

supposedly a great tv show.

A horrible way to describe death.

I didn’t ‘lose’ my child. He isn’t sitting in a security office waiting for me to answer a page. I don’t get to ‘find’ him.

He isn’t going to be on the news as missing or being looked for.

I didn’t misplace him like a card I bought at the store.

He is not lost. It seems a disservice, a lie when someone, even me, says I lost my son. Because trust me, I would have much rather have lost him, and be able to find him, then have him be gone as is my reality.

Passed away, is no longer with us, is with the angels (if that is your thing), is with us in spirit or memory...All ways I can accept. But please, don't tell people I lost my son. Even I have done it, and kick myself afterward. So, if you say 'lost' maybe add in a bit more context.

Because I am not a forgetful person, I did not give up caring for him, I did not leave him behind. I did not put him down and forget him where he was.

I fought like hell for him. I talked to doctors, researched, pushed, advocated. I did everything I could to try and have my son be here with us. But in the end, the only choice I got to make was to let him go as peacefully as I could.

So, no, my son isn't lost. He is gone.